Jack Thornton

What can I say about Jack Thornton? As an Ex-Social Sec, he is without a doubt one of the loudest in even the rowdiest of circles. A living ledgend. Jack was first born as a Megalodon in a place that is now known as "Bedford".

Very few people know this, but Jacks original name was in Fact "Megalodon the Destroyer" named after his ability destroy dinopints. In fact somewhere in Lower Tuscany there is a cave in which early day men (there were men at this point - "Scientists" are wrong on this - Jack was there) painted Megalodon the Destroyer (Jack) drinking 100 or more Tricerotops horns full of Dinobeer.

Somewhere around the 650,000th century BC, Megalodon was happy enjoying an ice cold dinopint (in the north pole - no other way to keep a dinopint cold ,since fridges had yet to be invented), when one of his homeboys (probably called Mesadon or something - this is unclear since there is doubt in the scientific community about regional dialects of Dinowriting) mentioned that there was a big ball of fire in the sky, that was not in fact the sun. Being a keen engineer, even at this early age, Megolodon did some calculations and discovered that this was in fact a meteoroid!!!!

"Well shit" decried Megalodon. He shouted to everyone to take cover and follow him, since a bloody-big-ass rock was bound to crash into the earth and destroy all life bigger than a shrew. But no-one believed him, so they all died.

At the same time in rural Derbyshire the future mega bro of Jack, Chris Storey, had had the good sense to evolve into a shrew (Darwin was slightly off on his theory of evolution) prior to the meteoroid striking. The Megalodon and shrew both then hid themselves in The Winchester to have a pint and wait for the meteorite to all blow over.

Jack emerged from The Winchester pissed off his nut. All of his friends, everyone he had ever known was dead. He swore he would never be known as Megalodon again and renamed himself "Jack Darrell Thornton". But all those pints made him a bit sleepy. So he went and hibernated for a few million years after his mad bender at the Winchester, until one tepid day in 2014 he woke up...

Upon waking, Jack found himself to have evolved once again into a homo sapien (posh word for person). He realised with dispair that everyone he had ever known was dead and that he now needed to make new friends, so he decided to apply to UCAS where he recieved an offer from Warwick, due to his impressive calculations on the meteor that almost killed him (remember he had been asleep for the past 65 million years, so he did not have any A-Levels).

Ask him about: Fond of Dubious links and plaid shirts (see also: Matt Borghi, Tommy Underwood).
 * Aubergines as a source for prosthetic penile replacements.
 * The Switch/Assembly Escape Room experience.
 * Surf Mean Tonic (or SMT, it is known that only Jack and Storey have the recipie for this delightful Moonshine)
 * The number 'Four', or His First Ever Shandy.