Conor Devine

I know what you're all thinking; I know exactly what question is on the tip of your tongue...

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CONOR DEVINE???

Well, some say that he is currently residing in Peru awaiting his turn to embark upon the Inca Trail. However, having said that, officials have since claimed that, despite having a 'valid' piece of identity, Conor Devine is in fact too young to do so as he looks far too much like a 12 year old and would need special insurance to cover the very belated arrival of puberty.

Others say he went on a family trip to the slums of Bangladesh, where he was quickly taken in by a local mafia and put to work in one of the many Adidas sweat shops where they make shoes and shirts for Primark. This of course is only reserved for children, but because Conor resembles a small, pubescent and hormone-ridden boy, the mistake was easily made.

All jokes aside, Conor has in fact reached the legal age required to have as much fun as possible (sorry Mikey - he's just too old for you).

Facts about Conor:

1. Conor has a cracking arse. An egg once ricocheted off from it so hard that it broke an innocent passer-by's nose

2. Despite having said cracking arse, Conor has sadly only ever perfected a 3.5 on the infamous 'rate my shag' Facebook page, leaving him with a smaller conversion rate than Prawn

3. Conor can actually surf. Some say that this is because he has spent years perfecting his technique. Others say that this is because his arse ensures that he will never be off balance

4. During his 2nd year exam period he managed to discover the reason we have an appendix when his became so fucked it had to be removed with a surgical knife and fork. It was discovered that in a similar way that the liver removes toxins from the body, the appendix actually filters out the harmful physical effects of really bad chat. It had gotten to the stage where Conor's chat was so poor that his appendix couldn't cope and effectively said "fuck this, you're on your own" after being so overworked during the exam/sober period. Conor has to be careful from now on as without an appendix he is extremely vulnerable to what atrocious chat may do to him. Only time will tell how this will affect him both mentally and physically.

5. He was Social Sec of surf in his 2nd year and President of surf in his 3rd year.

Ask him:

How he plans to celebrate graduation just after his 15th birthday

His next trips around the world with Carmen San Diego and Jenna Jameson

Where the van keys are